I performed surgery on your heart, at night while you slept. I worked slowly so as not to wake you - a slow initial incision across your chest, and then a carefully, quiet sawing down through the layers of bone and tissue.

At one point, as I clamped off your arteries, you began to stir. I panicked and realized I should have thought of an excuse, some explanation that would have made sense if you woke and found me with my hands inside your chest. But I held my breath and waited and you slowly settled back down. If I had to explain it would be too late for surgery, anyway.

Once I’d removed your heart I sat in bed all night, alone, getting it exactly the way I wanted it. As soon as you opened your eyes I’d be able to tell if the surgery had worked or not. I put your heart back into your chest, sewed you up and laid down next to you, waiting for the sun to begin streaming through the windows.

- Kevin Fanning, “How I Cured Your Heart” (from How I Learned to Love You From So Far Away)

Ray LaMontagne - I Still Care For You

Sometimes, compromising means everyone loses.

Pants Yell! - Cold Hands

one. two. three…
you run.

four. five. six…
you hide.

seven. eight. nine…
you wait.
you think.
and the dark gets darker.
and the silence engulfs you.
and no one has found you.
no one is coming.

ten.
then the doors open up.
and the light pours in.
your heart races. your smile breaks.
and a hand reaches out and pulls you back up.
up to reality.

up where we belong.

blitzen trapper - furr

this isn’t a secret. I merely failed to mention it. I meant to tell you. I mean to tell you. there’s only a dozen reasons keeping me silent. they cause my throat to swell, my tongue to clasp the roof of my mouth, and my lips to clamp. during our pauses in conversation, my glottis flutters. I try. I tried.

rilo kiley - “the good that won’t come out”

this is over, but telling you means it’s the end.

play me a song.
sing it to me.
tell me what it means to you.

write me a letter.
read it to me.
fill it with words that paint pictures.

tell me a story.
enact every part.
scream and cry and laugh as though you were the very character you portray.

love me. sit with me. share with me.
relax. smile. breathe.

this is life.

this is life. and we must live it.

gregory alan isakov - that moon song

i don’t need these words.

i don’t need to say it.

i don’t need their words, either. they need not say a thing.

sometimes, one look can say it all. sometimes, their open arms can do all the talking.

“we’ve missed you,” they cry.

“welcome back,” they say.

“welcome home.”

nickel creek - leaves fall

complete (adj):

like a roller coaster. up gradually, slowly, a steady pace full of steady reassurance. and then at the peak, everything turns downward. the fall towards the floor isn’t nearly so gradual. picking up speed, losing control so only splashes of color and hidden emotions register. Everything around feels so steady, so stable. but the spinning doesn’t stop. not until everything is black and exhaustion overcomes. 

when the darkness lifts, the roller coaster has slowed, but a churning sea remains. hot, unpredictable, and ready to boil over. now is the time to regain control, to find out where the next climb to the peak begins. it’s time to create a new beginning. like being trapped in  a dream, legs heavy, heart and soul screaming, the real work begins. step by step, moving forward, one foot in front of the other. hope guides this shaken journey, hope protects it from the uncertain ending. one foot in front of the other. one, two, one, two, one, two, one…

Tegan and Sarah - Dark Come Soon

sometimes late at night when i’m driving along the highway, i pretend that the gulf of darkness extending to the west is the ocean and that i am only seconds from the sea.

the familiarity of that notion extends far beyond the comfort that only a coastline can provide; it encourages in me a sense of serenity, of peace, of strength.

lately, though, i’ve forgotten about her. and in doing so, i have only forgotten myself.

but i am beginning to find the shore once more. and to my surprise, i’m falling in love with the sandy seas of the desert.

amos lee - keep it loose, keep it tight

colin james hay - waiting for my real life to begin

joe purdy - wash away

our current existence can be an overwhelming experience of sensations and emotions. everything is biased, intertwined. these heartstrings are veins that have infinite beginnings but ultimately end at the soul. by untangling them and following their path, we can find unexpected sources of joy, depression, completion, and torment. unfortunately, they usually stay just under the skin. we rarely stop to dissect and find the cause of these emotions. things are never fully understood, but we find comfort in knowing the present will become the past. with its permanence and detachment, the past provides a certain clarity the present can never reveal. the past has closures, the present has complications. then again, if we live for the certainty, we’ll never fully experience how it feels to be alive.

oren lavie - “her morning elegance”

hospital ships - “baby for J”

beirut - “my night with the prostitute from marseille”

is it too late to start tracing the lines?