maybe some trees aren’t meant to stay rooted. or, better yet, maybe some roots are meant to reach across infinite boundaries, connected by their kindred spirits.
like the aspen tree.
perhaps i’m an aspen tree; connected, but not rooted.
…the hamster stands in the shower
the hamster’s upturned paw has a small dab of shampoo on it
this will not be enough shampoo
the hamster feels sarcastic
the hamster’s body and cheeks are warm
from the sunlight through the window
and the hamster is very afraid
it feels so sad so early in the day
- tao lin, “hamsters are heads with little characteristics on the head, part two” (from cognitive-behavioral therapy)
I performed surgery on your heart, at night while you slept. I worked slowly so as not to wake you - a slow initial incision across your chest, and then a carefully, quiet sawing down through the layers of bone and tissue.
At one point, as I clamped off your arteries, you began to stir. I panicked and realized I should have thought of an excuse, some explanation that would have made sense if you woke and found me with my hands inside your chest. But I held my breath and waited and you slowly settled back down. If I had to explain it would be too late for surgery, anyway.
Once I’d removed your heart I sat in bed all night, alone, getting it exactly the way I wanted it. As soon as you opened your eyes I’d be able to tell if the surgery had worked or not. I put your heart back into your chest, sewed you up and laid down next to you, waiting for the sun to begin streaming through the windows.
- Kevin Fanning, “How I Cured Your Heart” (from How I Learned to Love You From So Far Away)
one. two. three…
you run.
four. five. six…
you hide.
seven. eight. nine…
you wait.
you think.
and the dark gets darker.
and the silence engulfs you.
and no one has found you.
no one is coming.
ten.
then the doors open up.
and the light pours in.
your heart races. your smile breaks.
and a hand reaches out and pulls you back up.
up to reality.
up where we belong.
this isn’t a secret. I merely failed to mention it. I meant to tell you. I mean to tell you. there’s only a dozen reasons keeping me silent. they cause my throat to swell, my tongue to clasp the roof of my mouth, and my lips to clamp. during our pauses in conversation, my glottis flutters. I try. I tried.
rilo kiley - “the good that won’t come out”
this is over, but telling you means it’s the end.
play me a song.
sing it to me.
tell me what it means to you.
write me a letter.
read it to me.
fill it with words that paint pictures.
tell me a story.
enact every part.
scream and cry and laugh as though you were the very character you portray.
love me. sit with me. share with me.
relax. smile. breathe.
this is life.
this is life. and we must live it.
i don’t need these words.
i don’t need to say it.
i don’t need their words, either. they need not say a thing.
sometimes, one look can say it all. sometimes, their open arms can do all the talking.
“we’ve missed you,” they cry.
“welcome back,” they say.
“welcome home.”
complete (adj):
1. having every necessary or normal part or component or step
2. perfect and complete in every respect; having all necessary qualities
3. having come or been brought to a conclusion
our time is devoted to constructing our lives. we choose our company, sharpen our skills, find new areas of fulfillment, and mend our mistakes. we tweak and edit our lives and ourselves in order to find “it,” our ideal. every so often, we attain it. all our efforts are realized, creating a sense of contentment. when we notice it, all we can do is sigh- breathe in, breathe out, absorb every facet of the moment. it won’t last, but for that day, week, or month, we are complete.
over the wall - “a grand defeat”
at some point this weekend, I looked around, smiled, and sighed. for now, even with all my uncertainties, I am happy; I am whole.
like a roller coaster. up gradually, slowly, a steady pace full of steady reassurance. and then at the peak, everything turns downward. the fall towards the floor isn’t nearly so gradual. picking up speed, losing control so only splashes of color and hidden emotions register. Everything around feels so steady, so stable. but the spinning doesn’t stop. not until everything is black and exhaustion overcomes.
when the darkness lifts, the roller coaster has slowed, but a churning sea remains. hot, unpredictable, and ready to boil over. now is the time to regain control, to find out where the next climb to the peak begins. it’s time to create a new beginning. like being trapped in a dream, legs heavy, heart and soul screaming, the real work begins. step by step, moving forward, one foot in front of the other. hope guides this shaken journey, hope protects it from the uncertain ending. one foot in front of the other. one, two, one, two, one, two, one…
